Worst day ever

Two days ago was the worst day of my year. It hit me hard, really hard. Never had I felt so depressed or emotional till the extent I didn't utter a single word to anyone until today when I headed out with Sok Gin. I tried, I compromised, I fought, I gave in to all, and for the very First time I placed my pride down which makes me look desperate but still I couldn't get a reply I wanted. It's not that I don't understand. I do! The word 'busy' has been a common reply. I accepted it all. I don't doubt, as I believe and have full trust. I don't mind being taken for granted, just because the other party is you. If the characters were to change, I won't even bother. Too dao. That's most describe of me. However, I dare say I never appear to be so when I am with you, aside for the couple of occasions where you pissed me off.

Every minutes spent with you, I cherishes. Even if it silence as its of your company I desire. Or maybe even a short meetup. I actually usually decline a short meetup as I feel silly when the time for me to get prepare and head out (plus traveling time?) is equivalent to the time I meet up with the other party?  But with you, I don't mind. Not at all. Not that I don't yearn for longer meetup sessions but I'm just as happy what was given from you to me. Right now, there's nothing much I could do but wait though its killing me deep within.

P.S This is not of me to publish such thoughts of mine to the public. No, I don't want attention, I don't want anyone to ask or give me advices, I just want to pen down my thoughts (I would have this post listed as private to be viewed only by myself if blogspot allows me to do so. But it doesn't.) Somehow, I think I possesses a character of a Leo, prideful (one of the seven deadly sins) and strong. I never want to look pathetic in front of you. Tearing in front of your doorstep, sending drunk texts/calls telling you my thoughts? Seriously, that's not me at all. And its plain pointless. I'm glad I'm really good at putting a strong front when I'm not okay. I could easily put on a smile or even create an atmosphere that is friendly/okay in texts when those words Hurts.

All I want of you is to know me, know my thoughts, my desires. Is it really greedy to ask for a little more time? Indeed, Time is the most expensive thing in this world which money could not be easily bought over. It waits for no one and to be able to attain time from the other party, it had to be given freely, no pressures nor duress. And right now, I've been doing alot of self-reflections. Could it be of myself? Am I too sensitive? Greedy?