Confession of 2010

Gonna do a recap of the year 2010. I would say this year hasn't been a really fantastic year due to my last semester of poly, relationships, stress etc... This post will be a confession post! And yes, I do appear to be mysterious, I admit! There are reasons to that! I don't open up to people easily unless the word Trust is Mutual ( I firmly believe that it isn't easy to find one!)

But i did found a trusty friend in the beginning of the year. Lets name that person F. I would say i wasn't really close to F in the first place! But slowly i was forced to as its seriously terrible not having someone to confide to when things/people are going against you. It all started from a secret between these 2 friends. They might think that i'm totally clueless to the matter. But in actual fact, I'm not! I just don't want to make things awkward between us. Another reason is, i couldn't make myself to believe the FACT! Thats not the end! Slowly, it involved in more problems. It's definitely not easy to write this down. So please bear with me. 1 of my friend dislike me being close with this guy? Hey, there's really nothing going on between us alright. I'm just treating him as a brother, Fullstop! And yea, F became my listening ears and I soon became F's too! But guess what, these 2 friends of mine dislike F. Thus, I'm became a middle person! Its neither here or there! I totally hate to be caught in between! I could sense the dislike of my friends through the tension, expression etc. Its been a torturous period i would say!

What happen to F now, if you are curious? We haven't been contacting much as its not easy for us to continue on with this status. F is really truthful to me in telling me every aspects. But that might not be totally good! Yea, feelings grew. But timing isn't right! I seriously appreciate the presence of F. Thank you so much! And no, I'm no longer lamenting about the stuffs that happened between my 2 friends. I admit, I was kind of furious about it in the first place! But hey, I'm a human. Who could have such good character to withstand that?


In the later part of the year, I entered into a different environment. Initially, I thought i could safely pass through these few months peacefully! But hell NO! I met this person (M). I'm definitely not someone who is sociable in the sense as- if you don't talk to me, I won't speak a word to you. Alright, an introvert in fact! So M was really passionate in the first place. The presence of M in this new environment was totally a Plus! Slowly, I became to see M true color. M's passionate level dies off and I began to feel weird thus I made a move. Now, I'm starting to wonder if the absence was a conspiracy. Waiting for me to take on the bait? Or have i stupidly offer myself? Alright, I have to admit! Everyone has the capability to feel how truthful the person would be. Be it on the words uttered or the person heart etc. Whenever, I'm in doubt, those sweet words always managed to diminish how awful M has been. Foolish, you would call. Indeed! The only plus point about M is that M doesn't like to pressurize me. Which is a good thing! But I slowly came to realise that this isn't healthy at all! I shouldn't be the one giving in and be treated as a spare key. Someone who's always there when you needed? I don't quite think I'm that not worthy!

No initiative taken, no assurance, promises not fulfilled... What's the point of hanging on then? I'm willing to give all I could but only to the right person. Right refers to someone who is appreciative, mutual, doesn't treat me as a spare! So, I guess that was it!